things to do during hols part 2/accomplishment-to-bes

get a fucking laptop WOOHOO!
make two vids : ARGHRUN! (a.k.a A.M.A Showreel), and another might be CP IN MOTION 2.
but seriously ah, i need some inspiration.
mahjong session, swimming session, soccer session and class chalet part 2.
more shirts, pants, shoes. but i already spent like 80 bucks on a jeans and one bermudas. i'll get two more shirts, one more bermudas and one more shoe. i'll be settled for cny by then.
new headphones. 30 bucks.
im pondering on getting braces.. new specs or something.
100kg squats
and alot more money.

wooooooo i found a new 'replacement' for the song gee. its chu by f(x). super nice like hell and sulli can improve people's eyesight. sian must act chim abit so people don't totally get it. too bad ali you caused me to be semi-obsessed with the song.

i'm bored to death and im not gonna get a job. i dont have the motivation to do so. i need one day jobs, but i'm lazy to find them too. nobody wants to go with me either. but i need money. oh damn it. and i'm considered of saving up 5k to go to london some day. however im still at about 400bucks but i'm spending my mother's money away like nothing.

i think i think alot, questioning myself all ways possible... good or not?

tmr's a long day and i'm gonna wake up early. wonder's what gonna be oncoming.

stuffs to do in the holidays.

improve in cycling...
i want to get no hander for 10 seconds. thats an minor achievement.
work on efficient travelling. i got problems with acceleration and i get tired real easily... retarded, timed myself from house to school i took like 10 minutes. walking takes me like 15 minutes. thats not even half that timing, i really need to speed up.
sharp turns easily. still can't go up fucking handicap ramps.
simple front jacks to get over lame ledges.

lesson learnt about cycling -
dont cut through hdb, pathways are built for a reason.. don't khey kiang in knowing 'shortcuts', the longer path is usually faster then your 'shorter path'.
slow fucking down in sharp turns. relax.
ring the bell early when approaching people, and slow down.
take care of your bike. new bike + clumsy = old bike.
and dont speed through traffic lights.

you know what, i dont like ngee ann poly now. yeah not regretting anything because what's done is done. npp just go, no choice, suck it up. just hope for the better. just got a call and they said i need to give a passport photo, i forgotten to include it in the letter. how stupid, and guess what, i need to go to the school and give them. and right then i feel so sian-ed, i need to go alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll the way there to give them a bloody photo. my mood jitao dropped to the drain. irritating, seriously, one of my greatest dislikes - travelling so far. that's one agony already, but what's worse is, FOR NOTHING. spend alot of money on travel fares too. maybe really the school isn't the ideal destination for me. i need to take train and bus. die sia, no longer can i rely on bus concession.

well they say the key for patience is to do something meanwhile. pops into my head, what can i possibly do to keep myself productive and not bored in the long travels? laptop of course... o2jam... fucking psp. music seriously ain't helping. earpiece spoilt, now i gotta get another one after no more then 3 months. wowow. call me tight-fisted, but without jobs (many thanks to school starting on 13th jan), how am i expected to earn 5k, fifty bloody thousand to hit my much-desired holiday in london? please, damn it. and its not really helping spending cash on fast food restaurant nowadays. additional trans-fat and rather high costs surely ain't speeding up the process of saving up. oh and the former, fuck it, i can't seem to stick to proper nutritional goals, thus my weight keep increasing by the decimal. no more 2x bw squats.
on the dark side of the darkest side, i still have bursary ($500) and probably another 300 bucks for 4 A's (i really hope so) for my O's. and some jobs from a.m.a and chinese new year coming soon. my savings now stands at about 400 bucks. hopefully i can at least hit 1.5k early next year. sad to say sunday's job cancelled. damn false hopes.

finally something that had lived up to expectation - class chalet. hope it to be fun, got it to be fun. part 2's coming up and i bet its gonna get better. love the camaraderie with friends whom we all know are not gonna be in contact for the years ahead. part of life, but cherish while you still can. too bad i'm no as courageous as you think i'd be at times. but fuck it who cares, stop dwelling, open up. night cycling was fun, mahjong too (but i fucking suck at it i swear), lame gamblings (so fun to be the banker), chats and jokes all round, lit up my mood during this holiday for a bit of a change. can't believe time is running out so fast, december already, gonna be january soon-est. oh well... sighs wouldn't change this fact, so make full use of time now.

made a new video today, find it kinda boring, but just a hopeful attempt to bring out laughter in us. can i reach my targeted number of views is another question. however i sure do need to get more clips and with smarter camerawork and angles.. try something different, maybe i need some editing inspiration, its draining away now. salvaging it is key. and training... remember awareness is imperative, know your limits well and respect your body. most importantly have fun... yes.

what else....... oh yeah, survivor is fucking AWESOME! 18 minutes till fifa world cup draw, assciting or what? the answer is what.

alright let me focus more on being joyful, there's so little time in life to keep dwelling on sad or boring lame shits, pointless and stupid.

have you figured - nothing lasts forever?
probably yes, but still unsure somehow, somewhat.

many a times i tell myself i can finally fly. yes, o's are over, time for a good break finally. sure, everyone feels happy once holidays approaches and exams ends. psle was a minor hurdle, o's a bigger one. however, the satisfaction as with every other ones, was short-lived. actually, it quite a long-term satisfaction, but to end it, the feeling sucks, alot. holidays are only for you to take a short respite, a breather, before you get yourself back into the mundane bullshits that you have no choice but to face.

next up, poly. i can already sense boredom and stress coming out from countless presentation, project work, camps. hopefully there is fun. i just hope. but what fun really is, is absolute freedom. when there is school stuffs blocking your path, there is restriction. grab your liberty now while stocks last.

and then you have ns. what satisfaction you would get after ord. then you still got uni or further studies. once you graduate, yes! then you go to work. your task in life is to earn money, to get ahead. don't you think so? hopefully i get good pay doing a job i love, living a life that i would enjoy fully.

what's more when you finally buy something, in time it will wear out, spoil, and shit. some newer version come out, rendering your item outdated. and then you need to buy again. spending money again, this time more, as you know, everything is getting more and more expensive. forever man.

life a such a routine. everyone is living it the same way. humans conform to such a society. covering up with excuses such as "that's life, suck it up". however true it is, there must be a way through.

i know definitely there might be this that don't adhere to the following, but as far as exception goes, nothing lasts forever. thus treasure them when you still have it.

train? or work?
in my already shortened holiday its hard to figure out the answer to my dilemma. i can't figure what's more important - to enjoy your youth to the fullest (because you're gonna end up working like hell in your adulthood, you have so little time left, not to mention you'll have 180 turn in your form), or make the most out of your time (gaining experience in the working field, earlier the better, and you also need money anyway). it is also so hard to find a job now that its holidays.

argh, thanks to dpa, applied for it unknowing that there'd be a 8 week preparatory program. too bad i can't escape from it, but i sure do hope i meet good friends. totally new faces, gonna be hard to build up rapport from scratch, but die die you have to.

now that i got a bike, list left is one or two clothes, jeans and pants. shoes too, nike darts as soon as this shoes totally wears off, and probably a cheap casual shoe too. the rest goes in the travel funds. and repairing the computer. sadly, human wants are neverending. but this should last me awhile, if not for long. i should cut down on transportation and meals outside to lessen fares. save save save cheapskate ftw. the fact that i need money is also the fact i need a job. but how? time consumer and super difficult to get a job.

its hard to miss the fact that's going on in my mind now - i'm hating too much recently. i don't think i can place the blame on others; people are going overboard nowadays and its not about me getting temper issues. dont know why but its been flaring up in me recently, i should just take things as it is, lightly. for what make enemies, for what hate, for what screw things up for nothing. don't be a piss to others and they will be the same to you... hopefully.

hais forever thinking and thinking. honesty might be the best policy, but you gonna learn when to break the rules. know when to lie, learn how to lie, but be sure you don't go over the limits of dishonesty. although the solemnness of this blog depicts a rather 'been-through-a-lot' author, i'm fast to admit that i've still nowhere near the stage where i can say i know all about life.

much more to learn...

i kinda lose faith of some of my friends already. considered really close friends - despite several quarrels still going strong, albeit inevitably, there's a tinge of dislike lurking around still. it's not like it could be help, no way, however as far as compromises go, i think i've learnt to let go. understand, accept, get used to it. but unsurprisingly, not always does it go as planned. so what, seriously, so what. friends understand each other. but in this case they don't, instead they have the mindset of you changing to meet their expectations. i'm always at the losing end, helplessly brainstorming for solutions, or the easy way out - to just 'fuck it'.

thoughts turned the other direction and inquired - surely you ain't backing down so easily... just a 'little' conflict in opinion and you'll want to break the whole lego bricks. its hard to imagine, yet its hard to accept. i don't want to, but i definitely sense the drifting already.

went to amk today, ended up a wasted trip, stupid job already had enough occupants. wasted super alot of money nowadays, rather senselessly. mostly in fast food, or stupid bus trips. all in an effort to disprove my 'cheapskateness'. thriftiness isn't muchly appreciated nowadays. i'm gonna get a job to earn money and save for future trips. i'm not going to malaysia even though i got 500 bucks. i need a fucking job. but its gonna be damn hard. i hope i get accepted for the duck tours thing. or find another job. its difficult as fuck.

i got a new bike now, gonna use it to save bus fares. but sometimes i hate myself for not being able to cycle properly. sharp turns and people are my weaknesses. irritating, not even 2 days in my tire tube burst. its fucked up. need to get better in cycling, adapt to all circumstances. same as my swimming and... using chopsticks.

got my dpa letter, fucking retarded, i start school at 13th jan?! like fucking retarded i swear. they never even mentioned to me that for dpa applicants there'll be like 3 months of gay preparatory program. seriously no need sia, waste of time. 3 months to rest... and you gonna take that away from me? irritating like hell sia. im gonna try backing out from it, but usually such attempts fail.. i dont have really high hopes. fucked up man. like that i dont feel like working anymore. i'm gonna laze my shortened holidays away. fuck it man.

i dont know what to do during this holidays, but i definitely want to catch paranormal activity. and train.

i know this blog is boring, but its not the patronizers that i care most about here.
as long as time ticks on, there'll be something new up here in my head for me to rant about. sadly its almost always about the same topic.

i've been contemplating, but my attempts to not give it up yet always failed me. maybe its the incident, that day, that changed the situation. as usual i might be over-interpreting or just being really stupid, but i know myself, just as much as i know what i am able to do. especially when it is you to yourself, its hard to lie, so face it. it won't work out. just won't. so just forget it. no point fighting on so much for nothing. its way too ambitious, and the whole point is nothing but the benefit of yourself. besides, the real reasons lies deep in your heart. can you commit? no. time is the limiting factor too... i don't want to continue living in this delusion. so this ends it. lets maintain as it is.

i find it so much more comfortable sticking to the people who does things i love most together, and people who have been with me all these times. i don't like being restricted, or being with friends that i can't totally be myself. thinking about it, what's the point being with someone that you just can't show your true front to her. or anyone else for that matter. just being with the friends i'm always with, beats everything hands down. no need to feel shy, no need to feel left out. external factors are sometimes you can't control nor alter.
lets forget about the bitterness about friends, graduated already, o's over already, no point picking on the minor minor stuffs. just accept people as they are, as much as they are willing to do the same to you. cherish is a word so regularly used but sad to note that its only a word people say, not an action people carry out.

holidays finally started, feeling the boredom already. however it seems hectic, to have a job. gonna restrict my freedom and jumble up my schedule alot. nonetheless i have to get one, because i have 5 months +/- of free time, and i definitely need to fill those gaps purposefully. not slacking, wasting time away stupidly. yeah i know we're still young, we should enjoy life to the fullest, but working won't take so much away from you. as long as i don't get contract jobs or full-time kind of thing. besides, i need money to buy things. like a bicycle, birthday gifts, clothes. thats all. save up for lisses and london trips in the future.

lessen the bastardry sometimes, be always aware about that very line where things get out of hand. whatever it is, awareness is key in all situations. mentally and physically. spur of a moment, drunk, too high on happiness and laughter, not right state of mind, emotionally affected. thats when things will be done/said without thinking. and that's where things get messy. being 16, there's no excuse of not being able to think for oneself. everything done is within your responsibility.

start watching new movies, shows, hunt for musics, o2mania, games, soccer, pool and bowling, outing with friends, work. that's my holiday's itinerary. good luck to me.
survivor ftw!

finally, i can blog without the sense of guilt!
never felt so 'light' before, felt i lost 20kgs! what a load lifted from my back...
actually not really lah, i already got dpa.

anyway,
+ve thoughts first, i think i'm gonna start filming alot more, really cannot wait to produce videos.. still remember the fun in making a video people worldwide enjoys so much, finally sia, can get to work. hands on, short film, all these little fun stuffs. hopefully one day i'll get to produce something that is actually something. just hope it doesn't fucking rain all the time arghhh.

o's not that tough despite not putting full efforts in studying, abit complacent i admit, should any A2 or even unfortunate B3s, that'd be the last minute studying of me to blame. but i might stand a chance to hit all As, with a little pinch of luck no doubt, with english and humans. i'll put my full effort for my mcq, to make my science a1 for sure. oh well, just a personal challenge and to get my $300. feeling rather lame, after all the years of practicing physics, i screwed up a simple moments questions, screwed up an emaths question (SIMPLE ALGEBRA), failed to calculate the mole question proper in my maths, and cocked up both coordinates question in my amaths. hopefully those instances of stupidity did not cost me my a1s. hahaha

now lemme think,
i dont know why, but i've been hating alot recently, something that's kinda rare to be honest. but i've grown towards being more assertive now, not wanting to get push over so easily, and getting better comebacks to people's suanings. but forever there's people out there who wants to irritate you don't know wht is myob, or respect others.. especially when you did nothing to instigate anything at all. and its super fucked up. i know its never good to have enemies, what's more at such a timing, but nothing can be helped now, with the fact that they asked for it anyway. still, these people are inevitable in life, through school, ns, and work, you're bound to meet them. hopefully when you're an adult there'll be less such disturbances, albeit, its life to face such adversities and we have to suck it up.

how much of importance, of matter, am i? full of ups and downs. few days your confidence is running on high, but other days its like lo like flo rida. can't even properly entertain, jokes are lame and poor, and at most is just pure bastardry. help? not much. boring? i guess. childish? i'm not sure. what does people regard me as. how much percentage of a good friend will they give. good points outweighing the bad points hopefully, but what am i to judge myself.
being natural is better, but it just can't be, without abit of pressure. pure failure.

don't care lah, just only lah... mind stucked in the middle of this two choices... dilemmas are never easy to settle. one moment you tell yourself its pointless, but thoughts subdue when the opportunities dangles right in front of your face again. i don't know, facing the situation in a clear-headed approach, it just might not work out, but you'll never know if you stand a chance, and could do with some tweaks. and then again, only time will tell... its not a definite yet. but stupidity proved to be really costly at times, i can't believe this could repeat twice consecutively. but i question, why scared?

trying to get closer always seemed to be counterproductive. detrimental. since the past, as usual, my misinterpretation and over-analysis of situations makes things really retarded for me, unnecessarily. assuming too much, acting like i really know what's behind it. argh. holiday's few days away, but that does not mean time can be wasted away. damn, o's over, yet i don't feel very joyous.

anyway, foods for thought~
make things happen, don't wait for things to happen. (shou zhu dai tu)
be the captain of your own ship. (YOU determine your future)
jump and know that a net will appear. (take risks)

first major half of o's gone.
the difficult half now approaches...
thursday... finally... seems like in reaching distance. we're students suffering from enjoyment-starvation being tied down by the ropes of education. but time ticks and each ticks loosen the knots, until the very last paper, 11 november...

ok, despite being at a really disadvantaged position, and at a rather wrong timing... i'm still contemplating, should i fight on with all odds against me. so long since i've asked myself this, but the answer have never reached an definite, thanks to the waxes and wanes of my optimism, sometimes feeded by false hopes, sometimes weaken by a bad day.
once 5/11 comes, one large barrier is gone, however, there are a bigger one ahead.

no point only gossiping people. gossip about others, wanting to hear gossips from others... but ironically not wanting to admit the (obvious) truth. seriously, if you are one who always poke your noses into people's secret, why so scared to simply admit truth, instead of trying to use it as a taunt. retardedcore.

butting in isn't something nice to do...

lol, seriously now that i see it... i realise how much some people could change... how much the littlest of things could mean to you. the slightest of tweaks in your mindset could mean all the difference in the world. that's how brainwashing works, and how misinterpretation occurs.

we are living in inches. millimetres. nanoseconds.
and we say how could something so simple or minute bear so much effect in the stuffs we do...

i really wish for that chance, just once, maybe it could just work out...

cp-kia.
is...
filmmaker
videoeditor
jumper
weight-trainer
fun-loving?

likes...
dnb, indierock, alt. hiphop songs
filming and editing
gyming
jumping around
randomness
need i say more?